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double--cross-d · 2 years ago

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I'm gonna share some Flipline LGBT/Family Headcannons I have lol

Family

Chuck, Utah, and Nevada are all siblings. Chuck is the middle child, and moved to Tastyville when he turned 18

Taylor and Indigo are siblings, and Hank is their Dad. Taylor's kind of cut contact with both (mental health issues) but he and Indigo are making an effort to reconnect

Peggy and Austin are cousins! Peggy's still dreading the day he gets to be taller than her.

I read this in a fanfic (My Dearest Matilde by @yakkolicious) but Big Pauly being Penny's dad is something I totally sign off on

@magicmindless first headcannoned this but, Mary and James are siblings. James got the short end of the stick when it came to cat allergies :/

Gabitha is Treble's half sister and they either want to throw her out of a window or get her to just. Do better things with her life

Speaking of which NuMarcus is Taylor's Uncle and Taylor never wants to speak to him ever again (once was enough >:|)

Radlynn and Sarge Fan are twins and eagerly talk about their evil twisted hyperfixations

Timm is Lisa's adopted brother (based on that one Christmas image with the X twins)

Xandra is scared of big crowds and typically clings onto Xolo or Edna if they're stuck in one together. No one else, even her friends, gets this treatment.

Yippy is Wally's granddaughter! He's her number one customer.

Wylan's mom died when he was in 6th grade and was part of the reason for the move

Sue and Prudence are sisters. Prudence was the first person Sue came out to and the first thing she said was, "Called it"

Sexuality Headcannons (most are trans)

Rudy's a nonbinary he/him lesbian. Marty is the sole boy of the group

Mary and Sue are married! Their pugs were the flower girls. Love wins!

Transmasc Utah! They/Them Pronouns but they will accept he/him on occasion

Gremmie's also a transman and helped Utah realize they were also cisn't! The two are best friends.

Scooter's actually transfem, but still uses He/him Pronouns because they're fun

Penny and Alberto are T4T and started HRT when they were 15 (Alberto started a year before Penny though)

Cooper's trans and Prudence didn't realize this until he mentioned he wouldn't be at work for two weeks due to his top surgery. His binding game was off the fucking charts.

Cookie is a Devon Rex. Cooper decided on this breed because he knew how bad James' allergies were and had a big crush on him but still wanted a cat.

Quinn and Timm got a divorce because Quinn realized she was a lesbian. Timm leaving the company without warning afterwards was what ticked her off.

Wylan is transmasc, and his dad fully supports him. He even helped Wylan attain his first binder.

Mousse bullied Allan throughout highschool for "being gay" (he was bisexual) and then when he grew up he realized that A. Whippa's a lesbian (that's when his support began) and B. HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE WOMEN.

Roy and Moe are constantly on the verge of asking the other out but are both too socially awkward to do so. Ninjoy actually beat Dynamoe once because flirting with the pizza boy is more important than murding his archenemy.

Chuck and Taylor are dating, they just don't remember when the hell they even started. The B in their Bromance faded out so subtly and they never brought it up to each other until after someone asked them when they started dating.

Nonbinary Taylor! He genuinely does not give a fuck about Pronouns but if you ask you'll probably get he/they.

Transfem Mindy! She helped Liezel figure out that she was also trans.

#Flipline #papa louie #headcannons #Lgbt #tw mentions of death #tw bullying

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steampunkferretpresents · 4 months ago

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I have 2 dogs named Hank.

This is Big Hank. He belonged to my sister and her housing complex changed their rules after 2 years and made large “bully type breeds” against the rules. He’s a pugadore btw. Lab/pug. Basically a 60 lb pug. But he looks like a bulldog. He’s family so he lives here now.

This is Little Hank. He’s a chihuahua and he and his big sister, Hollywood the Husky, were taken to the shelter when their owner had to go into assisted living. These two seniors were not going to live out their last days behind bars so they came home with me. They’re technically fosters but if they don’t find another home, this is home and I love them.

It’s a little confusing having 2 Hanks. After watching Fallout I started calling Little Hank “Young Henry.” He’s started responding to it at this point.

So now I have Young Henry and Hank.

And Echo. She came straight home with me the day she arrived at the shelter because she was scrawny and there was a parvo outbreak in medical, where she was housed. If she had stayed, she would have died.

and it would have been hilarious if I had named her sister Shadow. But this is Octavia. (I had just finished watching The 100 when I named these two). She was at the shelter for about a month longer than Echo. When I heard she was on the euthanasia list, she also came home with me. I wish I didn’t wait so long. The shelter traumatized her and she is scared of loud noises and anything new. We’re working on her confidence.

Oh and of course Drummer, the big goober. He was a street dog that our daughter coaxed into the car one day and he’s been a part of the family ever since.

Here’s Hollywood. She’s an old lady of 13.

And two foster ferrets named Pickles and Jabby. They had been abandoned at the shelter. I have a house full of “foster” animals that are home.

Just wanted to share my zoo.

#steampunkferretpresents #fallout #the 100 #foster dog #shelter dog #dog rescue #fallout tv series #Spotify

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bestinsucc · 2 years ago

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Welcome to the first ever Succession Dog Show

Contestants have been split into seven groups for the first of three rounds. The second round will have the same groups, with just the top three from the first round. Then the winner of each group will move on to the final round‚ which will also include special guest Mondale Roy. Also, Marcia is the judge because <3 and I say so.

In each group there are five succession characters plus three more normal dogs because I didn’t think five was enough and also I think it’s funny that it’s a possibility that none of the characters make it to the final round.

These polls all will last 1 week‚ closing and opening on Sundays.

Here are the Round 1 polls:

Herding Group

Hound Group

Non-Sporting Group

Sporting Group

Terrier Group

Toy Group

Working Group

+ tag to just scroll through them

character lists are below the cut

(normal non-succession character dogs are italicized)

Herding

Boggle the German Shepherd

Willa the Corgi

Naomi the Icelandic Sheepdog

Turbo the Border Collie

Sandy the Australian Cattle Dog

Sandi the Belgian Tervuren

Charlotte the Beauceron

Karolina the Norwegian Buhund

Hound

Lily the Beagle

Sweetpea the Dachsund

Kendall the Basset Hound

Matsson the Basenji

Ebba the Norwegian Elkhound

Greg the Borzoi

Buster the Bluetick Coonhound

Nate the Harrier

Non-Sporting

Laird the Bulldog

Frank the Boston Terrier

Roman the Bichon Frisé

Cici the Dalmatian

Cyd the Lhasa Apso

Fancy the Chow Chow

Louis the Tibetan Terrier

Stewy the Tibetan Spaniel

Sporting

Salmon the Golden Retriever

Jeryd the Weimeraner

Angel the Irish Setter

Karl the Spinone Italiano

Murphy the Clumber Spaniel

Connor the Wirehaired Vizsla

Jess the Curly-Coated Retriever

Tabitha the American Water Spaniel

Terrier

Lawrence Yee the Scottish Terrier

Peanut the Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier

Ewan the Cairn Terrier

Kerry the American Staffordshire Terrier

Hank the Smooth Fox Terrier (poll says Wire‚ but it’s actually Smooth)

Rhea the Welsh Terrier

Caroline the Manchester Terrier

Mozart the Bedlington Terrier

Toy

Tom the Toy Poodle

Atlas the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

Earl the Shih Tzu

Shiv the Chihuahua

Dixie the Pug

Nan the Maltese

Marianne the Miniature Pinscher

Hugo the Brussels Griffon

Working

Colin the Rottweiler

Gerri the Doberman Pinscher

Butterfly the Cane Corso

Rava the Great Dane

Kermit the Siberian Husky

Annie the Newfoundland

Logan the Greater Swiss Mountain Dog

Gil the Black Russian Terrier

#links will go up once I post the polls.#hang on I’m having trouble with hyperlinking it.#succession #best in succ #bracket poll #< is it a bracket? idk.#also I’ll actually put the characters down in a sec hold on #shit i forgot to do the alt text for all the poll images. well it was just gonna say that it’s the same thing as listed.

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mrultra100 · 2 years ago

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Ultra's Ramblings- Top 10 Predictions/Hopes for PHP Season 2

A few weeks after my own hypothetical post about the second season of Prehistoric Planet was released, we finally got news about it a few weeks ago! Now, it’s no secret that I’m heavily obsessed with this series, and for a good reason; It’s everything that I could ask for in a modern-day dinosaur show, aside from a few things about it being outdated after the episodes were released. And to that, I say it’s alright. The series was a bit too late into production for some of these errors for the producers to go and fix (Things like the Carnotaurus’ scales, the size of the Nanuqsaurus, Antarctopelta having a tail just like Stegouros, etc) so I’m alright with it. Now that news of an actual Season 2 have finally been announced, I figured it would be nice if I shared 10 predictions/hopes for what I’d like to see show up in this next batch of episodes. Given how we’re returning to the Maastrichtian epoch of the Late Cretaceous (Which lasted from 72 to 66 mya), it’s a good possibility that we’re gonna see many returning faces from last time (Given how T. Rex has been confirmed to return, Hank himself will hopefully return), alongside a slew of new creatures making their debut, along with plenty of new traits, behaviors, etc. I’ve already rambled on for long enough, so let’s just get right into it.

10- Maastrichtian Baitball

It’s no secret that baitball hunting is a staple of natural history programs. For those who don’t know about this phenomena, it’s where a school of fish gather together for safety, only to attract multiple predators from all sides; Sea lions, diving birds, sharks, dolphins, various large fish like tuna, and even whales are the usual suspects in these sorts of scenes. With that in mind, maybe PHP could have a scene like this be in one of its upcoming episodes, maybe one about the open ocean. Given how Coasts was already taken up in the last season, maybe we could see a return to the oceans of the Prehistoric Planet. For my take on this idea, the scene revolves around a school of fish similar to Enchodus being hunted by various predators, all taking advantage of this moving feast. Creatures like Zarafasaura, Dasornis, either Alcione and/or Tethydraco, Squalicorax, Stratodus, and even Prognathodon, all feeding on the bait ball as it shrinks and shrinks. It’d be nice if the show did its own take on this sort of scene.

9- Ankylosaur Fight Club

With Tarchia being the first confirmed new animal to appear in Season 2 (Aside from a cameo in Deserts, this species barely had a major presence until now), one of the ideas that I had for the creature is one that not only has been speculated by scientists, but also an idea that I’ve covered in my hypothetical Season 2 article; Ankylosaurs using their tail clubs as territorial weapons. It’s a theory that’s been getting traction in the last few years, so an example of that being in Season 2 is a huge possibility. Bonus points are gonna pop up if the Tarchia come equipped with colorful tail clubs, that would make the whole idea pop even more.

8- Pug Croc

To those who aren’t familiar with Simosuchus, I bet you weren’t aware of how there were cute, plant-eating crocodiles during the Cretaceous. A huge hope that I (along with many people) have for Season 2 is the use of more animals not belonging to the Big 3 (Dinosaurs, pterosaurs, and marine reptiles) in the new episodes. And which other pick would be perfect than a crocodile that’s basically the reptilian equivalent of a pug?

7- Gone Fishin’

In terms of species that were scrapped for Season 1, Austroraptor was one of them. This particular species of dromaeosaur wasn’t just the largest of its kind in South America, it was speculated to be a piscivore (AKA, an animal that mainly feeds on fish). And given how it was considered for the show, maybe we’ll actually see the beast in action during Season 2’s run. Bonus points if its design is heavily based on a heron.

6- Ain’t no party like a Non-Dinosaurian Party!

Let’s be real here; We all love dinosaurs. Like, alot. With that said, however, a common complaint that fans had about Season 1 is how little non-saurian creatures that don’t belong to the big three (Dinosaurs, pterosaurs, and marine reptiles) show up. Darren Naish had implied that we’re gonna see not just dinosaurs, so maybe this particular prediction could come true. It could be possible that we might see more non-dinosaurian animals. Some of my biggest guesses/hopes include Gargantuavis (Alright, fine. That one is technically a dinosaur, but you get what I mean), the aforementioned Simosuchus, Xiphactinus, Didelphodon, Ocepechelon, and Diplomoceras.

5- Sequelitis

This idea originally came from the show’s WMG page on TV Tropes, but I like it enough to consider it fair game for this list. It would be cool if some of the segments in Season 2 were sequels to previous segments from Season 1. Something like the aftermath of the Dreadnoughtus fight, where the carcass of the fallen bulls are preyed on by scavengers, is just one example of how this idea could work.

4- India, Land Ho!

Similar to the Austroraptor, both Isisasaurus and Rajasaurus were considered for the show, even having unfinished footage that was quickly hidden by the channel that posted it by accident. Given how close to completion they looked, part of me thinks they’re being saved for this season. After all, why put perfectly good footage of dinosaurs to waste? They could definitely finish it up and drop it into Season 2.

3- “Bit of a Dodgy Question”

The long and short of this part; More tracks that have Hans Zimmer involved. It’s more of me being curious, given how Kara Talve and Anže Rozman have killed it in the Season 1 soundtrack, but would Hans be down to come back for this show? This is weaker than the other predictions, but it’d be interesting if the man himself returned with Kara and Anže on making more tracks that bang.

2- Into the Deep (Ocean)

Plain and simple, I’m hankering for an Open Ocean/Ocean Deep episode. Granted, this one is more of a wish than a prediction, but I feel like it would be awesome if one of these upcoming new episodes focused on the open ocean and/or deep sea. While this sort of thing wasn’t really know from the fossil record, a good animal to put in this particular episode would be Phosphorosaurus, a mosasaur species from Japan that has adapted to hunt in deep, dark waters, possibly having eyes that gave even ichthyosaurs a run for their money. Just have that hypothetical segment be like a mix of the segments that respectively featured the Scaphitids and Hoff.

1- The part where Ultra rambles on about how he wants Apple to turn PHP into its own franchise

Eeyup…This is one of the biggest wants that many PHP fans, myself included, have. Given how this show is THE biggest event of paleomedia since the original Walking with Dinosaurs miniseries, it should make sense that it should be successful enough to get a franchise of its own. Both The Future is Wild and the aforementioned WWD went through the same thing due to how massively successful they were, it should make sense that PHP goes through something like it. It definitely has a massive fandom, so the people behind the show should consider how they should dive more into it. And it makes sense that I saved the most ridiculous (Yet, biggest wish regarding PHP) wish/prediction ‘til last.

And those are the top 10 things I either predict or want to see in the second season of Prehistoric Planet. Funnily enough, as I finished writing this, today is the first anniversary of the show’s official reveal (on April Fool’s Day, of all days), so, while this started a few days after Season 2’s announcement in early March, consider this a neat first anniversary gift, from me, and to the PHP fandom. As I post this, we still haven’t gotten any updates. However, since it’s now the first anniversary of the show’s first teaser trailer, we could see something pop up later today, fingers crossed on that one. With that said, here’s to more years of pissing off awesomebros with science, logic, and chonky T. rexes with lips!

#prehistoric planet #Ultra Ramblings

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the-acid-pear · 3 months ago

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Y'know I'll take this moment before bedtime to talk a bit about d:bh first to formally apologize for I the old man fucker not wanting to fuck Hank I unfortunately don't feel anything for him he's a loser and he's sopping wet and he stinks I want to see that twink give him a prostate exam and annoyingly talk him thru the whole thing tho but also two things one I remember what this fandom did to Connor and I feel sick every time I do so they did that thing they did to pugs like it got so far removed bc yaoi that guy wasn't my man anymore but also I remember the discourse about whether these 2 had a familial bond or a romantic one and I mean it's so stupid bc THEY'RE FAGGOTSSSSSSS I've seen no father son behavior but sure do see the homoerotism.

Also yes I remember this concerningly well for being a 6 yo thing. Can't remember last month but D:BH that important

#luly talks #dbh liveblog

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artcallednaturalviews · 6 months ago

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FDDHUP, fddhup

Finger Drilling Down Hand Upon Periods

FDDHUP

We all

FDDHUP

When one points a certain gesture of a finger

Well one should it point towards grounds drilling

What that aims at us all when you point things down

How the hell from oil oh I love into the matters of stagnant at hand

Where the happenings reading into some newspaper or leaving myself upon

Creation channels each one into their own for some kind of experience existent periods!

Bring come gather the tastes for race

Will we taste for blood

You within of animal

Which species fits you perfectly

And you walk on two legs

I’m within a human race

A race for what?!

You must be pug or greyhound

What’s your preference

Blood tick hound are you

Mere small and feeble body toy

Type of ohh in existence that’s your species

They only have for kinds

Did have seven

Now only three considerations of left

You animal you wanter

When one points a certain gesture of a finger

Well one should it point towards grounds drilling

What that aims at us all when you point things down

How the hell from oil oh I love into the matters of stagnant at hand

Where the happenings reading into some newspaper or leaving myself upon

Creation channels each one into their own for some kind of experience existent periods!

As easy peasy

300-400 / 4

Like saving Pvt Ryan

Make a difference on Earth

After the fact

I engulfed self in movie played in Graffenweir during a training exercise

So dear Hanks & Spielberg

Gives us the old man’s life after thee

War

You four become great

Damn my taxes saved your lives

And the cost after my givings

Well we’re on tv in mass casualties

So I say

Live to be an Eruption after the fact here on Earth

Some could argue

With me

When one points a certain gesture of a finger

Well one should it point towards grounds drilling

What that aims at us all when you point things down

How the hell from oil oh I love into the matters of stagnant at hand

Where the happenings reading into some newspaper or leaving myself upon

Creation channels each one into their own for some kind of experience existent periods!

Finger Drilling Down Hand Upon Periods

FDDHUP

We all

FDDHUP Finger Drilling Down Hand Upon Periods

FDDHUP

We all

FDDHUP

My mockers in catastrophe

Metal manglers all of chaos

Concrete cellars now a simple smash

Finger Drilling Down Hand Upon Periods

FDDHUP

We all

FDDHUP

He gave the weak the PoW

As in McCain

Perhaps some were caught

We are not all strays

Trump

We are not all strays

Trump

Impromptu out of optical view

Veer over to me to stand you corrected

It’s not humpty or dumpty

It’s all in the face from no back side

Rumpty Dance

I never see you from behind

Paparazzi is scared

Ohh scary poooing shots from behind

Ohh dance rump T

From the videos you are losing hair

I noticed your forehead was not colored as ears and nose

Fire or squish

You big boy

A stylist

(Who’s yours Man or Woman or thee inbetween m?)

I’m asking Trump?

Directly

Man to man

I wouldn’t shake but near in the same room

(This is not on the record cloud and over power)

I obey

I beware

Between you and i

Can you answer me dear Trump?!

Oh um ha Sir former President

Will you answer to this Forum

It’s really all capsuled

Like those hidden lives impregnated

Have to have in the family in politics and in the states

Dear preganated

Must born no options

Supreme Court was paid by numerous proceeds new inductees by Rump T

Show us a picture of ass as big as an elephant

(Screen shot, bluntly butt forced to an elephant’s rear end )

(With hopes of capturing citizen-using abled antics and showmanship in the new Presidential felon)

Appeals may vary

In the minds of variable people

So announce the Raid on the Capitol

So denounced Roe vs Wade

So proclaims the gate keeper

Regardless of the standing Statue of Liberty

My American Ways all over again

And while

All our alerts are up on CoVid talk

But we don’t live in past shutting down

America

Just a runner mate

Rump t

In the mitts of everyone

Playing ball

Who desires de sides decides this future candidacy

How on Earth a

This

Umm

Bling

It could be the bling

Bling atrocious

Ba ba ba ba ba ba

Skip ohh flip trip (for no power)

DJTrump leave my tarot alone

Hello again to the encapsulated

(Wordsbymm||mmybsdroW)

I sit profoundly

Waiting answer

From dear Trump

FdDhUp

Graciously

(Welcome JD V)-added 230824 ;)

#wordsbymm #natural view #pay attention #early morning #clouds #and winds & tornado’s the floodings in eruptions now #mmybsdrow #encapsule size #welcome JD V 082324

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judethebrood · 1 year ago

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PT 1/2~~

Violet. Grilled cheese. Frog hat. Weather. Papillon. P.T.V. Stardust. Insomnia. Horse & fish. River. Thor. Costumer service. Hairdye. Backyardigans. French Music. Weed guy. Emo poser. Tiddies. Art school. Dogsitting. Vomit. "The water tastes like rocks". Depression messes. Cranberry and turkey sandwich. Jealousyyy. Alèjandro. Bat pin. Bus stop. Rocks. Wildfire. Walls. Thorns. " Only it would never work out". Stars. "Cherry love bomb". Monster Ultra Red. Boba. Death's head moth. Bedroom door. Dagger?? Teal boots. Hugs. King for a day. Veggies. Minifridge. Mullet. Amber. Telephone lines. Super freeze. Haunted. Vamps. " Like...4 albums". Fishnets. Theatre kid. Lipstick for 3.5 hours. Welcome to the internet. Jude law. Binder hell. Septum. Swimming. Mutual hate. Penguins have teeth. Grunge is emo. Summer house. MCRX. 4:53:42:19. Headfirst. Second wind. Goat. Crop top. Comicon. Scars. Woodpecker. T. Eyebrows. Moo. Prom. Slush. Canadian brownies. January 20th. "Like 5 concerts". September. California. Leeches. German shepherds. Adam & Loki. Shower. Layer up. Asthma. " My ribs just hate me". Paper basket. Toonie. Seperation. Trophy father's trophy son. July 25th. Purple shades. Space hoodie. " Body type is a scam". Pickle jar. Sander's sides. Heather. "Where are yoouuu? ". Bathtub. Bird island. March snow. Tattoos. 2 a.m. " Mail you a hot dog". String lights. Scythe. Red marker. Apple music. Art school. Clown car style. Cowboy. "Well, that was racist". Aspen or Ash. Licence plate shirt. Bird skull. Vulturing?? "Are parties fun?". "We're the same fucking person". Streetlights. Yuzu. Halloween. Haribo sour snakes. Knapweeds. September 22nd. iPhone. Lollipop. Nosebleeds. Tigertail. Chocy milk. Trout. Burrito. Trailer park. Brown. Snackies. Trail. Passport. Lesbian-Trans pipeline. Brendan Rogers. Miraculous. ICP. House. W33d. Default Carmel. Shane SMH. Peanut allergy. Lofi. Roleplay. Dermatologist. Southern accent??? "That's the autism". Blue hair. Dahlias. "K-pop in the kitchen". Filters. beans. Internet tsk tsk tsk. Fishing. Toque. Thrifting. Clay. Barbed wire tatts. Caffeine. Magnus archives. This is home. Markiplier. Twix. Streetlights. Chocolate rum. Pugs. Maple ice. X box. 5 am. Rattlesnakes. Gee. Clown. Red hoodie. Showers. Hair bleach. The till. Alexa. Me-crow-avé. " tHeRe'S A BeE??" Trash bears. Cartman. The bus. Bleeding hearts. Sushi. TØP. Aussi lemonade. Pencil case. Nymeria. Ouisau. Paper stars. Bucket hat. Closing shift. Cards against Humanity. Finals. Mt. Dew. Psoriasis. Poodle. Handyman. Little Italian Grandma. Dead horse. Mr.Clean. Hank. "Is that the Anti-Christ??". SunChips. Sewing. Mugs. "We have the meats". Aquarium. Grocery store sushi. IT chapter 2. Wallet. "You can't murder him, he's my ride tomorrow". Bloodwork alone. Doctor's note. Till. Vegan restaurant. Mango. Sleepover again. rose gold headphones. Annual Tuesday sale. Chocolate crossiant. Ukulele. August. Chicago. Baseball babysitting. Selfie spill. Photogenic. The sixth sense.

#transgender #very gay #T4T #memories #pride #My favorite person #gay shit #queer #Memories #A year out #anniversary #happy anniversary my dear #love #111 #Long distance trauma LOL

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thewestern · 1 year ago

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Chapter 4

Framed there against the cold autumn light in the open doorway, Mayor Mockingbird raised both hands in victorious salute. What he won, the Mick couldn’t be certain. Was this an election year even? That he also couldn’t say with any confidence. (For the last few cycles, Kitty had filled in the bubbles on the both of their ballots, doing her level best to interpret how he would have come down on the various measures and candidates, could he have even been bothered. On the matter of the Mayor’s reelection, they had both abstained.)

Boyishly handsome in an anemic type manner, the Mayor was clad in his regular folks uniform of blue jeans and a white oxford shirt. Jack Kennedy never dressed up or down for anybody, Hank would have said. As if they were chemically induced, his craft beer constituents subconsciously coalesced into an impromptu receiving line running the length of the bar. He was an ambidextrous glad-hander, reaching across his body with his left, then again over the top with his right, and back under with the left, in a figure-eight loop extending onto infinity. After he passed, the bless-ed would turn and say to whoever would listen: you know actually he’s a pretty standup guy, or what a prick or asshole. Whatever the substance of their opinion was immaterial. Only that he knew the man enough to have formed one, one way or t’other.

From his vantage, the Mick could see that the Mayor was traveling with a posse. Embedded on his left was a short man with coiffed hair, piercing blue eyes and a matching plaid sport coat, a combination with which could only be used to (one) sell certified pre-owned luxury sport wagons, or (two) read the local news. Of course it was the latter, which explained the cameraman. The anchor person was handsome in a similar affect to the Mayor’s but slightly moreso. Flanked to Mockingbird’s right was a tall man he did not recognize with short hair on the sides but none on top, his long torso fully zipped in a fleece vest stitched with the wordmark, Morningstar Petroleum (Mick was farsighted). Then in front and behind were two incredibly serious and extremely tired-looking youngsters, a boy and girl of medium height, maybe recent college graduates but not a day older. The boy carried on his person a leather folder, the girl a wax canvas duffle bag. It could have been hauling bricks, by the look of her wobbly gait. Both wore chinos and oxford shirts of nondescript color and unflattering fit.

The Mayor’s security personnel, a Sheriff’s Deputy from the County, remained stationed by the door. Probably he was assessing the perimeter for potential threat multipliers. Aside from the tin star pinned on his left breast in place of a shield, he looked just like an ordinary beat cop, albeit with full sleeve of tattoo extending down each forearm, lengthwise. The Mick always got a kick out of law enforcement officers in other countries who as part of their uniforms wore funny hats — Canadian Mounties, British Bobbies … he’d seen French police wearing some old-timey train conductor headgear, and also whatever it was the ice cream man wore — but this guy didn’t don any kind of cap whatsoever. A ten-gallon yarmulke, as Russ was known of saying. All he had to garnish his messily-shaven scalp was a pair of bulky plastic sunglasses, hanging horizontally off his cauliflower ears, backward around the nape of his neck, where the blotchy skin bunched up like a pug dog’s furrowed brow.

This particular officer was new to the Mayor’s detail. He considered the reassignment somewhat of a demotion from his more sedentary post within the County Jail System, although the pay was commensurate. Such was his penance for his regrettable role in an off-duty altercation that transpired at a local bowling alley. Executive security was career purgatory in the Sherrifs’ Depo, not to mention a waste of taxpayer money, by his estimation. Political assassinations were a relic of the past, not than anyone would want to waste a small-time mayor anyway. And on the off chance, some sick fuck made a move on Mockinbird, this deputy sure as shit wasn’t going to take a bullet for that faggot, as he confided with his former fellow correctional officers on his way to reassignment.

Nonetheless, dutifully, he donned tactical-grade body armor. Kitty saw him leaning his square rear end against the wall, hands shoved into the bulletproof vest, just below his armpits, like a bench-warming high school football player, which he had once been, or her favorite sketch comedy character, Mary Katherine Gallagher. (Superstar!)

You ever see a cop’s holster hanging there off his hip and have the urge to just fucking grab for the gun?

Kitty neither.

The deputy’s predecessor, a female officer since placed on administrative leave, was in the process of filing suit against the City for sexual harassment. The accusations she leveled were corroborated, time-stamped, geo-tagged and in some instances photo-illustrated (quite graphically), by a string of highly suggestive SMS messages sent from the Mayor’s government-issued PDA (personal digital assistant) device. Nonetheless, drawing from their client’s personally-set legal precedent, Larry’s private counsel was confident an out-of-court settlement would be could discretely, at a modest expense.

Now the Mayor was drawing down, real slow, on the Mick. Whatever was coming, he’d have preferred to miss — that should go without saying — but then he was corralled in there by that surging crush of humanity. After shaking more hands than you could shake a stick at, Mockingbird arrived at the Mick. He remained perfectly still, hoping maybe the man could only see movement. Suddenly this tyrannosaurus rex of retail politics — an unstoppable force of everything that is unnatural, did just that. He stopped, and he looked him dead in the eye for just a fraction of a moment. The Mayor must have short-circuited — something in his operating system could not compute. He didn’t blink, but the Mick could swear he saw his eyes twitch. Then without extending a hand or any other courtesy, he passed by.

Here is something funny about Larry Mockingbird, a very funny man. From the outset of his stigmatic convergence onto the public eye, he claimed to suffer from a rare clinical condition called Prosopagnosia, or more commonly, Face Blindness. It means exactly that … he is blind to faces. So feasibly he could meet a person three times, and on the occasion of their fourth meeting, he wouldn’t have the slightest recollection of who they are, what they talked about, or that they ever crossed paths from the first. This was the exact series of events that preceded meeting his second wife, he once told a reporter, in yet another in a long series of hagiographic accounts of his political ascent. Rare clinical conditions are not funny, as a general rule. What was funny about this one, was how Hank claimed with absolute certainty that Larry made it up out of whole cloth. And he had the smoking gun to prove it, too.

Okay … once way back when we were working together — at the Company, years before we got canned and started the Newfy — we were at a show someplace. Topeka maybe. Or was it could had been Richmond. In any case, Larry sees this gal from way across the lot, and hollers out: Mary! Mary Ellen! Mary Ellen Moffett! Mind you, they were a considerable distance apart — a range of half a football field, easy. And he spotted her like a red-tailed hawk from all that aways yonder. However far it was, he bounces on over there, and after a few minutes of chatting her up and down, he saunters on back like the cock of the walk. Well, who the hell was that, we ask? That was Mary Ellen Moffett, he says. They went to summer camp together on Okay Lake. He tried all summer long to make it with her, but she said she won’t put out until high school. Well now that they were both out of college, he was going to seal the deal.

Summer camp! You mean to tell me that after taking half a sheet of LSD, this hooplehead instantly ID’d somebody he’d knew for three weeks in junior high? From a distance between here to Timbuktu? And that this man of all people is face blind? No way, Joseph. He shovels all that bull crap about a clinical condition because the only face he cares to recall is the one staring back at him in the mirror. That goldbricking son of a bitch can see faces. I’m sure of it. He can see my white ass before he kisses it!

Naturally the Mick would go on to dispute Hank’s claim. Maybe Mockingbird got lucky the one time. Hell, it probably didn’t even go down like that. How could you remember a little interaction like that anyway? You said it yourself you were dropping acid the whole damn day.

Well, David Michael Solomon, because after the show, Mary Ellen Moffett dragged me back to her wood-paneled station wagon and screwed my brains out! [Cackle.] How do you like that, you sandbagger, you! Said she wouldn’t a’made it with Larry if he were the Last Man on Earth, the First Man on the Moon or any man for that matter, regardless of his sequential order. For a fact, at summer camp he wet the bunk with such volume and frequency, they had to call his mother. Poor woman drove all the ways to Lake Okay to drop off his rubber sheets!

Mary Ellen Moffett, though. Real, special lady. Still keeps in touch. Wrote me a letter a year ago this winter. She’s a corporate attorney, or maybe some type of litigator. Divorced with five kids. If anybody could burden a load like that it was Mary. The woman had sand. Good for a hot time. Hey, how come it’s you’re always throwing cold water on my stories? Someday when I’m gone you’ll treasure these moments and all the golden nuggets of wisdom I imparted upon ye. Because you listen here, sonny, and you listen well. There’s a fine oral tradition in this country, and your generation won’t hear a damn word. The past is on mute, far as you’re concerned. And you’ll be worse off for it. Believe me when I tell you.

With that, the Mick rested his defense. He just carried on with his business. Specific gravity measures out right on target, etc. Sometimes it wasn’t any use arguing with Pappy. Come to think of … It wasn’t never worth a wasted fucking breath. Because, if he was of a mind, Hank could talk his way around just about anything — up, down and sideways. What, then, was the fucking point?

Wait. Hold up now. Here he went again, right on cue ...

… Just one second, before you scamper off to your cellar … I’m not through with you yet. I don’t know how that saint of a woman puts up with this sour attitude of yours. That senorita is going to salsa dance her way right on out the door if you ain’t careful. You hear me, cabron?

Yea. Fucking’A he’d been listening.

Now how’s about we get some fucking quiet.

Fuck.

#novls of tumblr #rock the vote

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